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Xanth

# 38 - Board Stiff [BS]

Be careful what you wish for...

"I'm actually a smart girl who would make any man an excellent wife. But no man sees that. No man is interested in my mind or personality, just my whatevers. So here is my wish: I'm board stiff. I want Adventure, Excitement, and Romance.

So begins Piers Anthony's 38th Xanth novel, in which Irrelevant Candy, looks at her reflection in the water of the shallow well and sees luxuriant midnight black hair to her breathtakingly slender waist, matching dark eyes in a lovely face. A torso coming yea-close to absolute perfection. She was man's desire. That was part of the problem.

And in the shallow magic of a wishing well, she asks her wish to be granted. Something happens. A sudden whirlwind surrounds her, lifting her up and ripping off her clothing. She is changing, somehow. Then she falls flat on the ground.

Literally. She has been transformed into a flat, stiff board with two knotholes for eyes.

Major Characters

Character Name Species Origin Talent Notes First Chapter Mentioned
Metria Demoness Hades Lover of Gromden; wife of Veleno; mother of Threnody, Ted, and Chaos; troublemaker who has a problem with vocabulary; has alter egos Mentia and Woe betide 05
Ease Human Xanth Can make hard things easy Strong, handsome, smart, but unknown; not able to affect emotions or causes. Short curly blond hair, bit of a blond beard, muscular body. 01
Art Human Xanth Artist, immune to poison, ruddy complexion, red hair 16
Mitch Human Xanth can summon and send ideas Wears a hair shirt made from his hair. 05
Tiara Human Xanth Girl with wild fair hair enabling her to fly by nulling density. Blue eyes, cherry mouth, nice features and print dress, poised. 18 tomorrow when met. She has many pun sisters 04
Pewter Android Xanth change reality in his vicinity Com Pewter in android form - mechanical voice, face made on head screen 03
Astrid [BS] Crossbreed Xanth Transformed from basilisk/cockatrice to human form; shapely, seeks love, but her perfume is intoxicating and direct look kills. She always wears dark glasses. Assigned by GM to protect the party. Wears the Sequins of Events dress. Credited with saving Xanth. Credited with saving Xanth. Credited with saving Xanth. 02
Kandy Human Xanth maybe being irrelevant or eyed Pretty, smart, but unfulfilled because she is either irrelevant or constantly pursued by Wandering Eyes. She wants adventure, excitement, romance. Gets them, but not the way she wants. Luxuriant midnight hair to her slender waist, matching dark eyes, lovely face. Torso yea-close to absolute perfection. Aka Irrevalent Kandy, I Kandy. 01
 
KEY - Xanth Titles; so far, by the numbers: (Click on any Title for more info on that book)
1 A Spell For Chameleon [ASFC]  2 The Source Of Magic [TSOM]  3 Castle Roogna [CaR]  4 Centaur Aisle [CA] 
5 Ogre, Ogre [OO]  6 Night Mare [NM]  7 Dragon on a Pedestal [DOAP]  8 Crewel Lye [CL] 
9 Golem In The Gears [GITG]  10 Vale Of The Vole [VOTV]  11 Heaven Cent [HC]  12 Man From Mundania [MFM] 
13 Isle Of View [IOV]  14 Question Quest [QQ]  15 The Color Of Her Panties [TCOHP]  16 Demons Don't Dream [DDD] 
17 Harpy Thyme [HT]  18 Geis of the Gargoyle [GOTG]  19 Roc And A Hard Place [RAAHP]  20 Yon Ill Wind [YIW] 
21 Faun & Games [FAG]  22 Zombie Lover [ZL]  23 Xone Of Contention [XOC]  24 The Dastard [TD] 
25 Swell Foop [SF]  26 Up In a Heaval [UIAH]  27 Cube Route [CuR]  28 Currant Events [CE] 
29 Pet Peeve [PP]  30 Stork Naked [SN]  31 Air Apparent [AA]  32 Two to the Fifth [TTTF] 
33 Jumper Cable [JC]  34 Knot Gneiss [KG]  35 Well-Tempered Clavicle [WTC]  36 Luck of the Draw [LOTD] 
37 Esrever Doom [ED]  38 Board Stiff [BS]  39 Five Portraits [FP]  40 Isis Orb [IO] 
41 Ghost Writer in the Sky [GWITS]  42 Fire Sail (To Come) [FS]  43 Jest Right (To Come) [JR]   
Back to Xanth
Doug Harter maintains the Xanth Character Database, updating it as new books in the Xanth series are released. Thanks to Piers Anthony, for letting me see some of his Character Notes, to Peg Rombach-Riggs who did the work creating the original table, Seajay who supplied the numbers, Dawn M. Burge for suggesting and helping Origin to be accomplished, and FNProgramvare's BookCat, which I use to store the Xanth Character info.
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